A couple days back I read an article about psychology which made me realise something. I'm not going to explain the article here because it is going to make the post too long but I will write about what I felt after reading it. I realised that maybe some things do not have a meaning and they happen just because. Maybe we are not meant to know the science behind everything and there is possibility that everything does not happen for a reason. Something's just happen and maybe we shouldn't spend hours thinking about their whys and how's and what ifs. 

This led me to think that maybe our problems all start this way. Menial things happen in our lives but we obsess over them, over analyse them and make them a big deal. For example when someone say's something very ordinary some of us might spend hours thinking about why the speaker extended those words, what he/she actually meant by it etc. 

We could reduce our problems by half, perhaps more, if we stopped over analysing things, if we only just enjoyed things without thinking too much. Things don't always have to happen for a reason, perhaps we should stop trying to look for meaning behind every tiny little thing. In this commotion of a world we should pay attention to things that really matter.

Snippets of Me

 I realised just now that since I've started blogging I've posted nothing about myself so today's post is dedicated to a few observations I've made about myself that are slightly uncommon or seem strange to me. Some are in fact the opposite of what I'd believed. 

Only today I realised that unlike most people revenge never motivates me. For example if someone insults my work I am never driven by my ego to prove to them my quality of work. I never have the urge to prove anything to anyone...in that sense you could call me a pretty un-motivated person although I am passionate about a lot of things. That might seem very contradictory but I can only do well in things that I enjoy doing like Art or Theatre. Even in these cases, I am not motivated to do well, I think I just really enjoy practising and hence sometimes do moderately well. 

With all the talk about confident and strong women going on everywhere, I formed a notion about myself that I too was very confident and strong, which eventually changed. I realised that these two things were absolutely missing from my personality and this in turn makes me even less confident. I am infact filled with a heap of insecurities that very often drive me while making decisions. I have my own principles and believe in a lot of things that are more often than not different from what others believe, but I realised that most of the times I do not have the strength to stand up for what I believe in or even tell anyone my beliefs in fear of judgement. But, now that I've realised I try very hard to be confident about myself and stand up for things that I don't feel are right. I feel that it is very natural to judge someone but it is in my hands to decide whether or not anybody's judgement is going to affect me

Yes that's my observations of the week. I quite enjoyed this so I am thinking about posting one post where I talk about new things that I observed or learned.

To Do List

I hate postponing things till after the exams or after the term ends, I believe its always better to do things when you feel like doing them ! This being said, there are a couple of things that I've been wanting to do but haven't been able to because of time constraints and laziness (mostly laziness). Here is a list of things I have to do, I will keep adding to it as and when new things come to mind -

1. Make a stop motion film

2. Work on my editing skills

3. Finish Doctor Who S8 (yes I still haven't finished it)

4. Finish Game of Thrones

5. Bake fudge brownies
6. Make a camera strap for Tanisha
7. Decorate kindle cover
8. Make something for Muskan

9.Watch the Batman trilogy (I know !!!) 

10.Watch The Lord of the Rings trilogy 

Yep thats all I remember but I'm pretty sure there's more so I will keep updating it. I also just realized this list is slowly turning into a list of Things to watch and books to read. That's what I call The Curse of the Fangirls.

A Different Perspective !

                     Gandhi is studied by us in great detail but almost always we tend to look at him from a single perspective. He is called the 'Mahatma' and rightly so, but we must remember that he was not the only man responsible for India's attainment of Swaraj. There were other great people who made equally big sacrifices, maybe even bigger ones, and played a very important role in helping the country achieve independence. One of these people was Kasturba Gandhi. 

                     Today in school we were introduced to a stage actor who had studied Gandhi in great detail. She performed a one woman play, the first that I had ever seen, called 'Jagdamba'. Although it was her first performance in the country, she had performed the same play several time in the United States. 'Jagdamba' was the name Gandhi had coined for his wife, meaning Mother of the Universe.     

                       The play was my first proper introduction to Kasturba and from it I gathered that she was a simple but strong woman who believed in Gandhi as much as Gandhi believed in his principles. The entire play was from her point of view and it made us look at Gandhi from a very different perspective. The play covered the significant moments of Gandhi's life, from the time of his marriage, tracing his journey to Durban, to Johannesburg and then back to India, right till the last days of his imprisonment at the Aga Khan Palace.
                      What strikes us about Kasturba right from the start is her simplicity and her immense love for Gandhi. She cherishes moments spent with him when they lived together in Rajkot, when he was afraid of the dark and she helped him maneuver out of his room at night. She has full faith in Gandhi and never stops believing in him. Gandhi, although a caring and loving husband, believed in his principles more than anything else. He was ready to go to any lengths to follow his principles, forcing his decision on family, though in a very diplomatic and manipulative way. Kasturba, although illiterate, had her own opinions, that sometimes did not match with Gandhi's and for this reason she had to make many sacrifices but not once is she seen complaining about them. She continues to believe in Gandhi and supports him till the very end.
                     Gandhi says Kasturba is his inspiration for Satyagraha. He involves her in all his activities, trying to set an example, enticing women to join the movement.Kasturba respects Gandhi and his decisions, never losing confidence in him, playing her part with dignity. She is strong in her own way, she derives strength from her husband, never letting anyone pity her for her sacrifices.
Kasturba accompaines Gandhi during his imprisonment in the Aga Khan Palace, being his constant support. We can see her loneliness and her longing for a simple life of peace yet she believes in Bapu and knows what he's doing is essential for the country. In the end, she says, all she wants is for her 'Mohaniya' to place his hand on her shoulder and let her guide him out of the room, because he was afraid of the dark.
            

Little pleasures

                           Ok so I haven't written in a while, maybe because I have nothing much to write or maybe because I have been too busy studying...just kidding..I can't study more than 20 mins a day so, yes! I was inspiration-less...still am, you can probably see that.
                           Hmmm, so...something I discovered a couple of weeks back - Ghiradelli mini Intense Dark and Salted Caramel squares. One word - HEAVENLY ! It is a combination of the two absolute best things in the world - dark chocolate and salted caramel and they actually use sea salt which gives it that bit of sophistication. It comes in a packet containing other chocolates with sea salt, but this is THE BEST.
                           The first time I ate it, it didn't make much of an impact...it tasted like any other caramel filled chocolate square. Later, about after 2-3 hours, in school, I found myself craving for the richness of the dark chocolate and the saltiness of the caramel. After I reached home I plunged into the packet and indulged in about three of them, after which I had to force myself to stop. This happened for another 2 days before I managed to finish all the squares, by myself, with the exception of giving one to Shuvangi, who fell in love with it too ! After that I had to satisfy my craving by having the regular caramel squares, which weren't half as good..but I had to make do.
                         So, I discovered Ghiradelli some days back and thanks to it I have a new found obsession with caramel and sea salt. I have started making caramel popcorn every second day ! Apart from that there has been nothing exciting happening in my life, at least nothing I can think of...so yeah that's all ! 

My first time reading Frost

                    So today in English class I acquainted myself with Robert Frost for the first time, not really, but today was the first time I actually properly understood two of his poems, and now I'm completely in love with him !

                   Our syllabus includes Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening but we also discussed The Road Not Taken (obviously !) and Fire and Ice. The road not taken seems like a very simple poem but once you delve into the depths of it you can find soooo many interpretations ! The theme  of the poem would be reaching a crossroad in your life and taking the risk by making the less common choice.
                 I liked Stopping by Woods more. It impacts you by putting across truths of life in a very simple but stark way. The woods, as interpreted by the class, set up an atmosphere of mystery and the unknown. All of us have long to be free and live carefree lives where we can do as we please but we are all constricted by social norms where we have chores to complete and promises to keep.  Most of us admire that kind of a lifestyle but can not afford to live it. Also, we have to keep on moving, completing our chores and duties of the day, and ultimately of our lives, suppressing these outburst of longing.
                The other meaning, the one that Frost intended to put forward, although simpler, made an even greater impact. The poet was returning home, upset due to certain reasons, when he came across this breathtaking sight. He stopped there to admire the woods and was so mesmerised by the beauty of nature that, although momentarily, he forgot all his problems. But he had his own social constrictions, promises to keep, chores to complete, he couldn't stand there all day so he had to continue with his journey back home, life had to go on. 

 "Just one last story mumma, please ?"
"Ok, but promise me you'll go to sleep after that !"

 Her 3 year old daughter looked up at her with expectant eyes. She was a patient listener, very very fond of stories. She could tell her daughter the same stories over and over again and her daughter -Antra, would just lie beside her, and listen with the same eagerness as she had done when she first heard the story. Her favourite story was that of a little tailor-bird called tuntuni who was the pet of a very cruel Raja. The Raja loved her but he had caged her in a tiny golden cage where she did not have enough space to even spread her wings ! Tuntuni wanted to be free and fly to different places and see the beautiful things all over the world, so one day she decided it was high time she did something. When a servant came to feed her at the same time that he always did, he noticed that the little bird lay still in the cage. Naturally, he thought she was dead. He ran to call the Raja who ran to see his beloved bird. The Raja had grown worried. He opened the cage door to check what was wrong and just then Tuntuni hopped out of the cage, stretched her wings and flew away, never to return to the Raja's kingdom.
But today, Radhi had decided to tell her daughter a different story.One that her grandmother used to tell her when Radhi was about Antra's age. She had loved the story and kept asking her grandmother to repeat it, just like Antra did now. She looked into her daughter's eyes and saw she, not for the first time, how much she resembled Radhi.
"Is it going to be Tuntuni mumma ?" "No sweetheart, I'm going to tell you a different story, one that my grandmother used to tell me" An excited smile flashed across her face, she pulled the blanket over her feet and readied her self for a new story. 

Radhi looked at her innocent little daughter one more time and at that point she felt the same feeling yet again. She wanter her daughter to never grow up, to always be the innocent little thing that derived pleasure from all the simple things in life, like listening to stories...She wanted her daughter to love her as much as she did now and wanted to be the most important thing in Antra's life forever, as selfish as that sounds. She dreaded the years to come, when she knew her little Antra would grow up, make new friends, sideline her mother and maybe even feel ashamed of her. She could feel the lump forming in her throat but she ignored it, pushing these thoughts away. She smiled at her daughter, and derived pleasure from her slight innocent face. Yes, one day her daughter would feel ashamed of her, but that day was not today. Plus that was the way of life, it was nature.
Pushing all these thoughts aside, she narrated her favourite story to the little girl and watched as Antra drifted off to sleep. The pushed the locks of hair, that had freed themselves from her daughter's ponytail, away from Antra's face, gently lifted her head and placed it on the pillow and gave her daughter a goodnight kiss before drifting off too sleep herself.